There are days when I forget about my depression; not that I seek the feeling purposely but I know what the cloud that hovers over my head feels like. It is indescribable, but I can sense it’s existence.
At times, I am in a superb mood and I lavish to maximize and literally bottle this feeling. I feel normal with nothing to fight in my brain. It is sensational and I try to build upon this momentum to keep the feeling going; but the doom and gloom begins to seep in. I am however getting better with chasing the gloom away; but now and again it traps me.
As I began to pay attention to what was happening in my life when the gloom would come; I realized they were stressors that that caused an adverse reaction and set off a chain of depressing thoughts. I am working hard to keep the stressors from derailing my thoughts but it’s sometimes a daily struggle. It is hard work, but in order to reprogram my mind I need assess the situation and let go of the need to solve it.
I must put my mental health first in order to reduce my episodes of depression and eventually eradicate this disease altogether. I must believe that depression can be conquered in my life in order to anticipate healing. I sometimes wish I could help my loved ones actually experience what I go through; but I know this is not possible. I have learned how to mask my pain and keep it bottled up because I do not want to burden anyone with my condition. It can be a weary existence but I’m determined to continue fighting my life.
GIVING UP IS NEVER AN OPTION!’